Thursday, December 13, 2012

i'm such a hater.

In case you didn't realize it, we are smack dab in the middle of the holiday season... If you're like me you've had your Christmas tree up and started listening to Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving.
And while I have soooo many favorite Christmas songs (Mariah Carey "All I want for Christmas is you," hello! That song makes me want to sing and dance every damn time!)
 
But there are sooo many that absolutely suck.
Sure, they may sound happy or fun or festive or what have you… but the catchy beat of some of these songs only masks the horrific lyrics behind them. Seriously.
Have you really listened to some of them?

So as a way to truly lift your spirits this holiday season, I give to you…

Courtney's Most Depressing and Horrible Christmas songs ever made.
 
 "Do they know it's Christmas time." Band Aid.
There is so much wrong with this song.
Ok, I get it.... They’re trying to promote awareness...
But why we gotta feel bad about it during the holidays?
“Well thank God it’s them instead of you.”
Way to make me feel like a douche, Band Aid.
 
Oh and there won't be snow in Phoenix this Christmas either. Feel free to send you donations to my pay pal as I get through this difficult time.
 
 Christmas Shoes- NewSong.
Yes, go ahead and tell me I have no heart. I mean how can you hate some angelic little boy who to buy pretty shoes for his dying mother so she looks beautiful for Jesus.
But come on! Christmas is a time of happiness and joy. And this song. Well this song is so freaking depressing.
Seriously,  it’s like a Lifetime Movie set to music. Barf.
 

Grown Up Christmas List- Amy Grant.
Let's be serious for a minute guys.  At 31 years old, I am considered a "grown-up." And my list doesn't include all those peaceful and loving things.  I has such items as: A Kitchenaid Mixer, A Nikon 1 J2, a new Coach purse, or even the New York Giants winning the super bowl again.
 

Please Come Home for Christmas- The Eagles.  
Catchy song. Yes. I'm not gonna lie. I will totally jam out to this song.
But I for one would have at least come home for Christmas, and left by New Year's night..
Instead of the other way around.
This way you at least get the gifts.

Oh and the bells are not ringing the sad, sad, news about you and your relationship problems. They are ringing for Jesus. He's not bad news. He's good news.

“My baby’s gone. I have no friends. To wish me greetings once again.”
Come on nobody likes a downer at Christmas. Cheer up. You could be buying shoes for your dying mother, Come on you know I'm right, Right?

Baby, it's Cold Outside
Forget weather. It’s just some dude using an excuse to trap you into staying so he can slip roofies in your drink and have his way with you!!! She keeps saying no and trying to get out of a very rapey situation! No means no, ya little jerk.

And I'm really not sure what this song has to do with Christmas either.
(oh and the Glee version is the best!)
 

Happy Xmas (War is over) John Lennon.
First of all just cause it's Lennon doesn't make it fantastic. I love The Beatles. 
However, there is nothing “happy” about this song. Basically it starts off with a guilt trip…
“So this is Christmas, and what have you done. Another year over and a new one just begun.”
And this gets you thinking… damn, I really what have I done this year? I didn't loose 20 pounds, I didn't wake up early on my Saturdays to go volunteer somewhere. MAN I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!
Now I am stuck thinking about if I even deserve anything on my grown-up Christmas list.
 
OH, and Yoko singing in the background.  Her voice is like nails scratching on a chalk board.  
 
 
 What do you think? What's your least favorite/ annoying/ horrible Christmas song?
Am I missing anything? Do you hate me now? 
 
 
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5 comments:

Angi said...

Hahaha...I agree with you on SO much of this post. I honestly can't stand most Christmas music, so I just stick to the classic REAL Christmas songs!!! The older the better...

Illegally Blonde said...

Amen! this is why cough cough I hate Christmas.... well songs at least... and it perhaps all i want for christmas is you... gag me

Jasmine HellogmSunshine said...

Been loving ur blog and I nominated you for a Liebster Award- come by and I hope you will accept.
http://hellogoodmorningsunshine.blogspot.com/2012/12/is-it-golden-globe-nom-for-me-too.html

Casey said...

I always felt so bad about the "thank God it's them instead of you" line. No one ever agrees with me when I bring it up though!

Micah said...

That "Christmas Shoes" song is a real holiday spirit killer. I hate it. I don't care if that makes me heartless.

Yep, "Baby It's Cold Outside" is very creepy. I never thought of it that way (or really listened to the words) until a few years ago. A sweeter song is Dave Barnes' "Christmas Tonight."

And if you want a better version of "Happy XMas (War is Over)," Maroon 5 covered it a few years ago. :)