Monday, October 29, 2012

2 months.

 One of my favorite bloggers Jamie at Handling with Grace writes a wonderful post every month about the grief she’s experiencing after the passing of her mother. I asked her if she minded if I used her idea and share with you some of the emotions I am going through. She agreed and told me it's "better out then in."  I use to read her posts on grief as someone who couldn't imagine what it was like having lost a parent.  Never did I think that those posts would help me through my first two months. Because let me tell you it's nice to be reminded that "you're normal."

It still feels like a bad dream that I can’t wake up from. I still reach for my phone to call him. Wishing that he would answer and we could have one last conversation.

This month was harder then last. The waves of emotions come on so fast. One moment I am perfectly fine and the next moment I can hardly breathe from crying so hard. Some days I come home and just climb in bed and throw the covers over my head and try to forget about everything.

Colby has been absolutely fantastic. He even turned off Walking Dead last week when Maggie was talking to Hershel.  He has smothered me with hugs and kisses and not given me a hard time when I can’t throw away a dirty pillow that was my fathers.

I have found comfort in little things. Every night after Colby goes to bed I go outside, look at the starts, and talk to him. Sometimes I tell him about things that are going on. Sometime I sit, cry and tell him over and over again how much I miss and love him. I can’t find the words right now. I’m sure some day I will.

We also light a candle before every Giants game. I always think about how he has the best seat in the house.

I often look back at that candle and smile.
Because I know Daddy would think that the best seat is right beside me. 


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5 comments:

Angi said...

I am so sorry about your father :( Mine hasn't passed away yet, but he has Alzheimer's, and I completely know what you mean when you say it helps to know you're not alone!

Micah said...

This is an amazing post. So honest and candid. Just as Jamie sharing her grief helped you, I know your posts will help someone else. And it'll likely help you too.

Hugs!

Casey said...

This is a great post. Its been one month since my mom passed away. Maybe I will start to post something like this. I totally know what you mean about some days are ok and others you just melt down. Gah.

Illegally Blonde said...

Hang in there. Grieving is a process and everyone is different. Prayers.

Amy said...

I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. I will absolutely be praying for you, that God will be with you and your family during this difficult time.